There are a few things our teachers just didn’t go over in sex-ed. Pleasure tends to be one of them, and another is cunnilingus! If you’re feeling in the dark about how to rock your partner’s oral world, look no further than these eight eating-out tips.
1. Get a Mental Map
Step one is to learn the different parts of your partner’s anatomy! Contrary to popular belief, the word “vagina” actually refers to the inner canal, and not to the exterior of the body, which is called the vulva. Within a woman’s vulva area, there are the outer lips (labia majora), the inner lips (labia minora), and the bulb of the clitoris up top.
While that bulb is commonly referred to as the clitoris (and we’ll refer to that way through most of this post), there’s actually a wishbone-shaped extension of the clitoral bulb that runs under the labia majora. The clitoral bulb is often the source of the most sensation, but some women love the feeling during oral sex of having pressure against their outer labia (the extension of the clit's wishbone), being touched throughout their inner labia, and being penetrated with fingers inside their vagina. All in all, there are lots of different things to touch to make her feel great.
2. Warm Up
Now that you know where you’re going, you can enjoy the journey. Most women enjoy a bit of a warm-up, with some light breathing, soft licking, or gentle finger touching. Tease, kiss, and enjoy these beginning few moments, because you’re about to get pulled in for more.
3. Build Your Rhythm
For the baseline oral sex moves, different women like different stuff, and it’s worth both of your time to figure out what feels best. You can always ask your partner which moves she likes, but she might not know! (Sometimes when you’re getting eaten out, you just focus on the good sensations without assessing the giver’s techniques.)
So, if it’s a mystery, you get to solve it! Your goal is to figure out what she loves. Here are some possibilities:
- Up and down movements along her inner labia, touching her clit up top with your tongue
- Side to side movements at her clit, or lower along her labia
- Circles around her clit or around her inner labia
- The alphabet (for receivers who like variety)
- Penetrating her vagina with your tongue
- Tiny little tongue flicks at her clit
For most of the movements above, a broad and flat tongue is usually preferable over a pointy tongue (but everyone is different!).
Try some of these movements for a few minutes at a time, and see what she responds to the most. When is she moaning? When are her legs clenching? When can you feel the warmth of her body increasing? Take note, and you’ll know how to do it again next time without playing a guessing game.
4. Turn Up The Intensity
After you’ve learned which baseline moves are turning her on, it might be time to add a new sensation. Here are some things to try:
- Apply more pressure with your tongue
- Increase the speed of your movements
- Press your entire mouth more firmly into her body, so that she feels the pressure of your nose and your lips
- Lick down to her asshole (check out our rimming tips, and don’t switch back to her vulva — unless she’s wearing a barrier like Lorals!)
5. Variety Is The Spice Of Life
No need to limit yourself to the genitals when it comes to cunnilingus! Keep her wet by letting her whole body enjoy the party, with things like nipple play, a nice booty grab, or squeezing her thighs. In general, using your hands to stimulate one part of her body while your tongue stimulates another can only be a good thing. This goes for her pussy as well: try rubbing her clit with your thumb while licking her vulva.
6. Mix in Some Fingers
Fingers can add a ton of sensation to oral sex. If your partner is into fingering (ask first!), you can start off with a couple of fingers or a thumb at the opening of her vagina, and then slowly insert fully. Some people like the feeling of fingers sitting inside them, and some like an in-and-out motion. You can also stimulate her G spot — an extension of the clit inside the top wall of the vagina, with a ribbed texture like the roof of your mouth — by stroking it with a finger or two in a “come hither” motion. And finally, another place to put your finger is inside her butthole! This can feel amazing for many folks, but be careful afterwards to keep that finger away from her vulva or vagina (unless you were using a barrier like Lorals).
7. Have Fun With Toys and More
Does your partner enjoy dirty talk? Spanking? Role play? Or even just being complimented? The things that turn her on during other sexual activities are also likely to be great during oral.
Or try out some toys. A vibrator on the clit can work wonders! You can hold it in place or she can — whichever is more comfortable for both of you.
You can also use Lorals to add variety to your oral! While she’s wearing Lorals, you can:
- Suck her clit in and out of your mouth like a cherry — the material of Lorals gives this technique an extra-special sensation.
- Have her sit on your face! The firmness of Lorals against her clit will feel amazing, and Lorals make this position less overwhelming for some givers.
- Nibble through Lorals on parts of the labia or clit — it’s similar to nibbling on nipples through a bra.
- Add those fingers! Lorals are stretchy enough for tongue and finger penetration.
- Rim without having to worry about the not-so-good butt stuff.
- Lick up and down from the asshole to the clit and back, over and over again. This feels so good but it’s hard to do with skin-to-skin contact, because you might get worried about transferring anal bacteria to the vagina. Lorals open up the possibility for new moves like this, and trust us when we say this electrifying licking action is a must-try.
8. Keep Going
If she’s nearing an orgasm — which you might be able to tell from changes in moaning or breathing, the clenching of her muscles, her sudden quietness, or because she tells you — the likely best move is to not change anything. Keep going with the moves you’re making at the same speed and the same pressure, and that repetition will hopefully bring her to climax! If so, it was probably a very intense experience, so be there for her after the O and give her some time to settle down.
Meanwhile, don’t pin everything on the climax. If you’ve followed the tips above, this has likely been an amazing experience, regardless of whether it ends in an orgasm. Like we said, it’s about the journey! And we hope both of you had a great trip.
This piece was written with the partners of cis women in mind. We’ll write other pieces soon for partners of non-binary people, trans men, and trans women!