What Is Facesitting?

Facesitting, aka queening in BDSM circles, is an oral sex position where one partner kneels or squats over the other's face so they can get full access to their genitals. It can be done both for cunnilingus and anal rimming, for couples of all genders and sexual orientations. Facesitting is an equal opportunity sexual position. And it is So. Hot.

Won't I Suffocate My Partner if I Facesit?

This position gives the receiver a lot of control over pressure and speed, which can be both exciting and a little intimidating. "Won't I crush them?" is a really common question we get about facesitting, but the response from many partners is "Please suffocate me!" 

Generally the one doing the sitting won't put all of their weight on their partner's face (unless your partner has explicitly consented and you both worked out some safety measures). So do the prep work beforehand – meaning communication and setting boundaries – and then trust your partner to tell you when they've reached their limit or comfort level. 

Here's a quick video featuring our resident sex educator Sarah Brown on how to get started with facesitting:

How Do I Facesit?

OK, now on to the mechanics of the position:

• The Bottom lays back on the bed with their arms down at their sides – they can use their hands to grip their partner's butt, stroke their back, or wrap their arms around their thighs. Some even masturbate while their partner grinds onto their face. 
• The Top should straddle the Bottom's chest, with their knees on the outside of the Bottom's arms. Then the Top can gradually scoot forward until their genitals are "hovering" over the Bottom's mouth.
• The Top can either grip the headboard or place their hands against the wall to steady themselves, but they also might find placing their hands on the bed gives them more leverage for movement.
• At this point the Top can lower down and press their genitals against the Bottom's mouth, and begin to experiment with weight, pressure, speed, and grinding. You might be surprised at how easy it is to find a rhythm once you get going. 

Keep in mind, trying out new sex positions and activities can be awkward and goofy, so try to let go of the seriousness and sultriness, and instead revel in the giggles and any slips or funny noises. Relaxing into the sensations can only increase the pleasure. 

Facesitting can also be done for anal rimming (oral pleasuring of the anus, aka a rim job), and many people prefer to reverse the position so that the Top is straddling their partner facing their feet and scooting backwards to to sit on their face. It all depends on what works for you. 

What if I'm Not Ready?

It can take time to work up to some positions, so be open about what you're feeling and see if you and your partner can find another solution. If you're not comfortable being quite that exposed, or you're worried about potential juices dripping down, Lorals undies are a great way to ease into facesitting because they give you a little coverage and block fluid, and you can still feel everything through them. Don't worry, they were specifically designed to stay in place, so there's no added risk of smothering your partner (any more than they already want you to). 

The key takeaways are to relax, embrace a little laughter, and explore what feels good together. You can always try something different next time. :)

Written by the Lorals Team

Reviewed and Edited by Sarah Brown, a sex and intimacy educator with 10 years of experience designing and marketing intimate wellness and pleasure products.